A New Perspective

I have had some meaningful conversations lately. One of the most meaningful by far has focused on the topic of shame. Our human shamefulness.

This brings me back to the original account of shame, Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve messed up, big time. And they knew it. In Genesis 3:7 it says, "Then the eyes of both of them were opened and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made covering for themselves." Adam and Eve were ashamed. So they made some clothes to shield themselves from that shame. "Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden." (Gen. 3:8). What did the man and woman do? They hid. They hid from the Lord. And "the Lord God called to the man, 'Where are you?'" (Gen. 3:9). Here's where it gets pretty meaningful. Does this all-knowing God not know where his children are? Is he actually asking them where they are?

No.

The truth is that God sees them. They have chosen to be shameful and hide from him.

Far too often we feel dirty. We feel wicked, like what we have done is too much. I know that this is a common message and belief that we feel like we need to clean ourselves up before we go to God. We need to stitch together some fig leaves and put on our brave faces. In all actuality, God wants to meet you right in the thick of your mucky mud puddle. He wants to see you in your brokeness and sinfulness. But our sin and shame makes us hide from him.

So when you feel too messy for God, realize that those moments are when God wants you most. And God is not choosing to look away from you, you are hiding from him.

New Start

School has begun! With the start of the new year, anticipation is at an all-time high. So is uncertainty and lots of questions. I have only had one lecture in my Christian Scriptures class (Old Testament) and my notebook already is full of questions. Another question is what do I get involved in? Choir? Clubs? Ministries? Res Life Council? It's all so uncertain. The biggest question of all is, "who am I?" What role will I assume? What is my identity? But there is certainty; answers have to be provided to these questions.

Although it is frightening living in uncertainty, I have hope. And I am excited!

Done

All of my life I have based my decisions and basically who I am on what other people want or think. This has left me in a position of not even knowing who I am other than the fact that I want to please people. I don't know what I believe, what I am passionate about, who I am. I have no clue. So I have decided that this year will be a year of becoming my own person. As hard as it is going to be, I am no longer going to do everything for someone else. I am going to do what I want to do. And I hope that this doesn't come across as selfish, but it's time for me to figure me out. I'm ready to do the things I want to do. Not because others expect them of me or because it's what everyone is doing, but because I want to. I am too tired to keep up this act. I need to be me. So I hope that I will have your continual support as I walk this road of discovery. I will no longer be a mindless droid swayed in the direction of the masses.

Nanny Life = Thug Life

I'm pretty sure being a nanny is akin to being a gangsta. I make deals, push candy like it's crack, and I'm the mob boss. But unlike mobsters and their gang-affiliated friends, I do not "whack" kids for their undesirable behavior. But I do have a tool that, quite possibly, is more terrifying than swimming with the fishes. This is the ultimate form of punishment, the time-out. Although the duration of this disciplinary action is seldom longer than 5 minutes, it's clear that these 5 minutes are pure torture. By the response of the delinquents, you'd think the Godfather himself was accompanying them in their respective corner. It begins with the offense. Whether it be a naughty word or aggravated assault with a deadly Nerf gun, the punishment is initiated. "You may not hit your brother over the head with the Nerf gun, I think it would be best if you had some time to yourself. Please go sit in the corner and take some time out." Then all hell breaks lose. Stomping, crying, whining. This must be a punishment worthy of a mobster.
Next you must "Say hello to my little friend" the ever coveted piece of candy. It's amazing what kids will do these days for a small handful of M&Ms or a licorice. "Jessica, can we have some candy?" "You certainly may, but first things first, the Pokemon cards from the latest battle need to be picked up off of the floor and all Nerf darts returned to their homes inside of the barrel of your machine gun." Don't get me wrong, I don't think bribing is the best way to teach responsibility but sometimes it comes in handy. *Candy should not be used in excess. It causes cavities and other health complications that parents aren't too keen on.* And it's addictive. We've got second graders pushing that stuff on the playground.

I really do enjoy nannying. But I am grateful for a break. And I think my little mobsters are grateful too.

Oh poop.

Blogging once a week was quite an optimistic goal. Unfortunately I lack the time and dedication to fulfill that goal. So if you, which I think is only my mom, actually read this blog then I apologize for giving you false hopes.

So this one's for you mom! :)

Keeping Busy

Praise the Lord I have a job. And you know what? I couldn't have asked for a better one! Not only do I get to work with kids all day, I also get to be the craft lady! So I am stoked for this summer. Until school gets out for all of the kiddies, I will be working at the day care. Then when school is out, the real fun begins and it turns into summer day camp! We get to go on 2 field trips a week and have awesome guest speakers/instructors to teach the kids cool stuff like karate and dancing. This is so exciting!
Also, I'm going to start reading the book, Captivating. I got the guided journal for Christmas but not the book so I've gotta go buy it and then get that started. I have heard from many credible sources that this book is amazing. I'm looking forward to it!
A lot of things are going well, I just need to remember to keep my thoughts focused on the Lord.

Everyone always says the summer after your freshman year is a tough one. I believe it! It's almost as if I'm in a place of limbo. I'm not a kid who needs direction and I'm not an adult who provides for myself. I miss school. It's crazy how at times all I wanted was to go home and now all I want is to go back. This is mostly because things were looking up so much toward the end of last semester.
I love teaching! All of my education classes have encouraged me to dive into it and fall in love with it. It truly is something I am passionate about.
Anyways, although this summer is full of plans to work, work, work (gotta make some money), I have decided to compile a list of non-work things I want to do.
Summer List:

• Fly a kite


• Beach as much as possible


• Treasure hunt


• Read at least 3 books


• Go to Yosemite


• Challenge myself


• Blog once a week


• Make a flag bunting (this also involves learning how to sew.)

Well that's the list so far anyways!