My Testimony

It was the summer after my fourth grade year and I was invited to go to Kids Kamp with my church. I was really excited to go because I loved camp. I had an awesome week of archery, rock wall, and swimming. Towards the end of the week, Thursday night I think, there was a message from the speaker. At the end of his message, he asked if anyone wanted to give their life to Christ. I raised my hand and stayed after everyone left to pray the sinner's prayer. Everyone was really excited and really proud of me. But I didn't really understand why. The years rolled on and I didn't really understand what it meant to be a Christian. I knew there was a God and I knew that I loved Him. Then came my 6th grade year. Life was normal, until everything changed. I was over at my friend's house swimming. We had come in to eat a snack, Cheez-its and string cheese, to be exact. My step-dad called my friends house and said he was on his way to pick me up, about a half-hour before he was expected. My friend's mom asked me if I had forgotten to do some chores or something and if I was introuble. I could'nt think of anything. I had a terrible feeling in my gut. My step-dad picked me up and the only thing he said to me the whole drive home was "Buckle-up, sweetheart." I walked into my house where my mom was sitting on the couch, crying and my pastor was in a rocking chair. I was asked to sit down with my mom. I did and thats when my mom told me that my dad had died. He drowned but he saved another man's life. I didn't know what to say. The only words that escaped my mouth were "No, no, no." I couldn't believe that a God who loved me, would take my dad away. Middle school dragged on with no real connection between God and I. My freshman year came about and I began to struggle. I felt like an outsider among my highschool. I felt alone. I started really hating myself. I started cutting myself. It felt good, it was an escape. Then I met someone who seemed to really care about me. Through the help of him and my youth pastor, I found value. And I knew that these people loved me through God. So I made it out alive, and barely hanging onto the hope that God loved me. The summer between my Freshman and Sophomore year changed my life. I went to an event called NYC in St. Louis, MO. I was surrounded by thousands of other Nazarene teens. I signed up for a track (kinda like a class) called Call to Ministry, because I had been feeling like maybe I was supposed to be a youth pastor. If I had ever had any doubts about the exsistence of God, let me tell you, they were all washed away at this event. God moved in my life in such a powerful way, He confirmed my call to youth ministry. I have never felt God so strong in my life as I did at that event. I started my Sophomore year out strong, I became the Vice President of the Christian club and I loved God with all of my heart. Then I moved to Washington. That was a really hard time and I felt myself doubting God and hating everything in life. I was back to a point in my life where I felt so alone. And to be honest with you, I didn't start feeling happy until Jr. High camp this past week. I learned so much from observing the life of Jr. Highers. I learned love and acceptance. I learned what it meant to persevere through trials. I learned how blessed I truly am.

It's been a rough and rocky road, and it still is a little tough, but I will persevere. With the almighty God on my side, I will survive.

Please, pray for me.

Dear You

I've got some things to tell you
I know you'd want to hear
But you can never listen
and thats my greatest fear
I never got a chance
to tell you that I loved you
I never got a chance
to have just one last dance
I remember the days
standing on your feet
never any music
but still swaying to the beat
I remember baking cookies
and decorating them with care
and you beeming proudly
with a smile in your stare
then you kind of hurt me
and I couldn't yet forgive
I had no idea I'd lose you
or I'd pray that you might live
I survived my first year of high school
and discovered a piece of me
I found a boy worth liking
and I hope he's the one
to get down on one knee
I made the varsity team
and I wished you had been there
for the excitement I contained
I would have loved to share
some say I look like you
others say just like mom
everytime they mention you
my heart feels like a bomb
I really do miss you
I wish I could hold you tight
take care and don't you worry
I know I'll be all right.

The last time I saw my dad was September 10th, 2003. This year on September 14th, 2008, it's going to be the fifth year since I lost him.

Nameless

I remember when our feet were bare
and the warm sun dazzled in our eyes.
We wore the sun on our faces
and danced around in Grandma's yard.
I said "Best friends."
and you said "forever."

The daisies grew and so did we.
The summer turned it's back on us.
And Grandma passed away.
And as the tears rolled down my cheeks
I said "Best friends?"
And you were silent.

The years rolled on and the flowers bloomed.
I hadn't seen you since Christmas day.
Things changed and time forgot us
Forever twisted to never.
I said "Best friends."
But you weren't there.
You were gone and so were the promises.

Jr. High Camp

This past week I was a CIT (Counselor In Training) at a Jr. High Camp. This was truly an amazing experience. I got to counsel several girls and get to know many people. Through out the week, I even grew closer to God.



I met many girls and boys who are going through so much in their home life. People who have been raped, live in shelters, are neglected at home, and are feeling so alone. Things that are so difficult for a Jr. Higher to have to struggle through. Many of them are already at a point in their lives where they are trying to figure out who they are and they are in the midst of a storm. It was an experience I will never forget. 4 of the 6 girls in my cabin gave their lives to Jesus. They decided that their storms were to difficult to fight on their own. I'm so thankful for the work God did and is still doing in all of their lives.



Working with Jr. High girls, I learned a lot about what it means to be patient and to listen. With lives consumed with drama, boys, and make-up, those girls always had something to talk about. I learned that God takes time. Nothing happens over night. The changes these girls chose to make in their lives will take time. I found myself thinking, why aren't these girls learning anything? Why don't they want to follow God yet? At the end of the week, those same girls became Christians.



A lot of this week made me realize that my calling to be a youth pastor is something that I really want to do. I felt that working with students is definitely something I'm supposed to be doing.



I'm excited for what the future has in store for me and for all of the students who were transformed at Jr. High Camp!